Darla Baltazar’s Personal Testimony
I grew up having everything I could ever want. Good home, lots of money, food, education, opportunities to travels, and security. I also grew up easily excelling in almost everything I was interested in, whether it was sports, music, technology or academics. From being the most outstanding kid in preschool, graduating top of class in grade school, and being one of the most active honor students in high school, I carried all the shiny little trophies I’ve gathered growing up to form my high (but fragile) self-esteem. But the problem was that up to that point, my behaviors and identity were highly dependent on what people expected of me. Even worse, I thought I was entitled to all those good things in my life.
Two years into college, I had some difficulty coping. Academics were becoming much harder, tasks were piling up and becoming unmanageable, relationships were becoming too shallow, and my lifestyle could be better. I did what many excelling college students were afraid to do: quit all my extra-curriculars and keep my plate as manageable as possible. It was that time I also decided to turn to self-help knowledge. It was effective, but only for a time. Too soon, I came spiraling again.
That was when God sent me a friend who brought me to a youth service one Friday evening. It was my first and only time to for the next year, but it left an impact on me. I was intrigued by how the people there seemed to have a relationship with God that I never knew was even possible.
In the next year, I continued to seek self-improvement, but started to question whether any amount of productivity, academic excellence or career success was even going to give me any true happiness. I wondered, “If I already have everything I need in life right now, but still feel empty and meaningless, then what if the answer is not where I’m looking?”
That was when I decided to pick up the Bible, then randomly opened to the book of Romans. Before my classes, I would stay in my car and read through the chapters. It was my first time to read the Bible for myself, and I was utterly amazed. The intellectual approach that Paul used appealed to me as a young undergraduate student. Not too long after that, I was reading articles, listening to sermons, and asking a Christian friend endless questions. Before I knew it, I found myself returning to the youth service, eager to worship publicly, and asked to be plugged to a small group. Soon after, I had the chance to surrender my life to Christ, for real this time.
God saved me by showing me that the only real place I could find the significance and approval my soul craved for, was in Him alone. To this day, I struggle with the fear of man, but my flesh is not as frail as it used to be. I enjoy such an intimate relationship with the Lord, and would never trade it for anything else in the world.
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We are vessels made to be occupied by one thing only. We can deny self and choose Christ, or deny Christ and choose self. It will always be one or the other.