Pressured To Do Right: The Sin of Perfectionism

If you are always pressured to do things right, always anxious if you are doing the right things, always feeling like you have to justify yourself, or always need to know exactly to do ahead of time, then this article is for you.

We live in a time and culture where ignorance is barely an option with how accessible the internet is. The answer to a random question in our heads is just a few taps away. We also live in an age where people have the ability to broadcast every waking moment of their lives through Instagram stories, live videos, and vlogs. Not only that, but literally anyone can also comment on your posts. It’s like we’re all given the power to be little judges of what others publish.

No wonder we are seeing the rise of an anxiety-ridden, relationship-deprived, and perfectionistic generation.

The Problem with Perfectionists

Perfectionists serve a shape-shifting god. They can serve their mere idea of God, they could serve themselves, or serve some perceived authority or audience. They listen to every “should” and labor to attain them all. Moreover, setting priorities is a nightmare for a perfectionist, because everything is important.

But think about it: if all things are equally important, then everything must be done. But how could a finite creature like you and me, accomplish such an impossible task? It also begs the question: does God have unrealistic expectations? Or is it just us? Either way, something isn’t right.

Exposing the Perfectionist’s True God

Now the picture I described is vivid because it’s me. I have long had such a strong, unhealthy urge to do everything right. Part of that is learned, which I will get to in a minute. But after becoming a Christian, it was clear that I was not meant to stay on this path.

When I estimate that I don’t have the ability or the knowledge to accomplish a certain task, it makes me severely anxious. Now that can be symptom of unbelief, because Jesus commands us to be anxious for nothing (Philippians 4:6). And so it must mean that when I react that way to uncertainties, I actually trust more in my capacities—my intellect, my strength, my understanding, my skills—rather than in God’s ability to help and guide me.

Knowledge Isn’t Always Power

Realizing this was incredibly humbling for me. As someone who likes to study theology and the Scriptures, it’s humbling to admit that my mind and heart do not always align. So much of God’s wonderful promises are really just theoretical for me, because I fail to make it a reality by exercising my faith, especially when trials come. This is why knowledge isn’t necessarily power.

The Influence of Family Dysfunctions

I also want to briefly mention that family upbringing is also a huge factor to deeply ingrained sinful tendencies, such as perfectionism. It’s just a fact that we are creatures who learn by observation and imitation, regardless of whether what we imitate is right or wrong.

However, if you’re a Christian, this cannot be an excuse to justify ungodly behavior, or wallow in self-pity as if you’re a hopeless case. Yes, it’s a bummer to realize we grew up with imperfect parents. But this is the point where a line is drawn between people of the world and the children of God. If the latter would claim the promise that we are a new creation in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17), then the entire course of our lives could change for the better!

You Are A New Creation

Do you feel powerless against your sinful tendencies? Your perfectionism? Don’t panic—that is normal. At least, in your flesh, and in this world—which is not your home!—this is to be expected. Of course it’s painful. Of course you will feel broken, because this is not your home yet!

But while you are powerless on your own, listen to this, and listen well: God is far more powerful.

Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. (1 John 4:4 ESV)

Now do you actually believe this? Do you believe that you are actually God’s child, and that He will never leave you defenseless against the schemes of Satan?

If you have a hard time believing God because you don’t “feel” faithful, here’s a simple tip: just take Him at His word. Stop “trying” so hard, and just believe it by faith. Why? Because God said so. The firmness of a statement is dependent on who says it. And so, if this was declared by God Himself—He whose word never fails, and He who never changes—then you can bet your life on it!

Take Him at His word. You are a new creation!

Exposing the Critical Voice

If a child constantly hears criticisms and corrections growing up—even when it isn’t necessary—he or she is likely to grow into an adult whose vacant mind is controlled by a critical, judgmental, or defensive voice. It is as if every decision, word, behavior, even feeling, must be justified before an imaginary judge. In his mind, everyone is waiting for him to make a mistake.

But do you know who is the real accuser who “accuses them day and night” (Revelation 12:10)? Do you know who deceives you into thinking that your enemy is another human—your parents, your boss, your spouse—rather than the “evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world” (Ephesians 6:12)? Yes, that critical voice is Satan, our true enemy.

Replacing the Critical Voice

Surely you don’t want to listen to the enemy’s voice, but rather God’s. But how can we know that the constant critical voice is not from God? Here’s how we know:

“The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in love. He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever.” (Psalm 103:8-9)

In another translation, it says that God is compassionate. Oh how tragic it would be for a Christian not to have a real experience of the true heart of God! His heart is kind, gentle, and extremely patient. Furthermore, God does not set impossible expectations from you, nor does He demand your perfect obedience. A few verses later, David writes:

“As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.” (Psalm 103:13-14 ESV)

Would you expect your infant child to fend for herself? Would expect your baby to know and do everything perfectly? Would you disown him if he made a mistake? Of course not. In fact, you expect him to make mistakes and to depend on you.

In the same way, God knows we are powerless on our own. He knows our frame—that we are dust! I think our problem is that we don’t know we are dust. But the truth is that from the first to the last breath, we are as helpless as infants, completely dependent on God. We having nothing that we did not receive from Him. But the great news for us is that God Himself knows that. And it doesn’t diminish His delight over His children.

The Greatest Revelation of God’s Heart

If you are still not convinced that God is not demanding perfect obedience from you, then look at verse 12: “as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.”

There is nothing worse in the whole universe than to sin against the holy God. And yet we do this vileness daily! But God, knowing that we are helpless to ourselves, showed His unfathomably great love for us, that He made a way to remove our sins by giving His only Son to take the wrath we deserved.

To some extent, you could probably say that God is harsh, particularly against sin—and righteously so. But if you have put your faith in Christ already, Jesus took that judgment for you. There is none left for you, except God’s abounding, steadfast love, approval, and delight, forever and ever and ever! All this, simply by faith.

Now the question is, do you believe that?

How To Fail Gracefully and Be Free

And so, dearly beloved perfectionist, ponder this question from our brother and former Pharisee, Paul:

“Are you so foolish? After beginning by means of the Spirit, are you now trying to finish by means of the flesh?” (Galatians 3:3 NIV)

Here it is written in the NLT:

“How foolish can you be? After starting your new lives in the Spirit, why are you now trying to become perfect by your own human effort?”

Here are some tips on how to be free from perfectionism:

1. Believe that this freedom is the Holy Spirit’s work. No optimized daily routine or discipline will in itself bring you to the finish line of your sanctification. This process of redemption from idolatry, legalism and perfectionism is, in the grander scheme of things, a work being done in us, purchased on the cross.

2. Believe that you are dust. Humble yourself before God’s word. Stop resisting, and stop arguing. Acknowledge and accept that you are powerless apart from Christ.

3. Memorize God’s word. To prepare for the time when you will be tempted to trust in yourself rather than God, memorize relevant Scripture passages so you can hide them in your heart. I recommend the verses from Psalm 103 we just explored.

4. Walk by faith in God’s promises, not by the estimation of your own strength or understanding. Do not constantly depend on certainty, or your own understanding, or your own strength, before taking action. It’s time to take action, not because you’re sure, but because you believe in God’s promises. This is crucial. No amount of reading and discussion will teach you this. This is learned by experience.

5. When you fail, pray. Pray for God to protect you from excessive guilt and self-pity. Pray that He would show you, right at that moment, His true heart: that He is gracious, compassionate, and slow to anger. I tell you, that experience of comfort will be so revolutionary once you’ve tasted it.

I pray that God would grant you this freedom as He reveals Himself to you.

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