When Clarity Becomes An Idol: Resting in the Unknown
Recently God taught me that even clarity can be an idol. I come to Him sometimes, not as my Father, but as some kind of therapist.
And I was just looking for an answer, a solution, an insight, a sign.
Instead of actually coming to Him for rest from my noisy spirit. Instead of letting Him handle things because I trust in His limitless strength. Instead of trusting in His higher ways.
Seeking techniques, hacks, a million things to tweak and perfect, left me feeling empty. Restless. Frustrated.
But one time, I went to the roof deck with a notebook and pen. I sat down and began journaling, just talking to God.
I laid out my thoughts, my problems, things that were bothering me inside that even I couldn’t understand.
I was hoping to analyze my situation enough to arrive at a solution by the end.
But as the hour passed by, instead of getting closer to an answer, something else was becoming far more clear: that I was helpless and weak, and there’s nothing I can do.
But instead of feeling frustrated, I actually found peace.
It was a strangely delightful experience, especially for someone who is so used to finding black and white answers.
Here’s why: As I was bringing all my problems—in detail—to God, He assured me that He hears and understands.
Then He asked me a simple question: will you trust Me to handle these?
Such a simple question.
Now it’s easy to say yes, but not actually mean it. So I decided to count the cost of actually surrendering my concerns to God.
If I truly trust God, will I keep revisiting the problem and coming up with more possible solutions?
Will I keep imagining and rehearsing more scenarios in my head?
Will I make bitter remarks about it?
Will I try to justify myself and my actions?
Or will I go about my days trusting that He has it covered, focusing on the work and relationships I have today, and waiting for His clear leading in His timing?
That really changed everything— that I don’t have to figure everything out.
Why? Because working things out—that’s His job, not mine.
So when I began to let go of requiring an answer by the end of my quiet time, ironically, I found more peace.
It didn’t matter that I knew what to do next. It was enough to just sit with Him. It was enough to be with my best Friend.
Now all of a sudden, uncertainty is not so frightening anymore.
